Sunday 30 April 2006

Lost Verses of the Koran: Surahs 125, 126, and 127


Surah 125: Mecca

Bismillah:

Having renewed their strength at the oasis, the vengeful warriors of Islam marched into the desert, heading south toward Mecca, killing any in their path that dared to resist. Along the way they recruited more converts: augmenting by several score a revolting cadre of amoral pirates, vicious brigands, twisted perverts, depraved paedophiles and lascivious sodomites, all hungry for glittering plunder, rivers of blood, and helpless victims.
Muhammad and his entourage followed, a string of captive Jewish boys in chains, having been thoroughly sodomised, trudged along with them, some forced to carry the Holy Prophet in an ornate litter. Fahimah and the Nubian siren Sheba, together with Muhammad’s child wife Ayesha, were carried in another litter behind the Prophet.
"What are we to do about that insane monster in man’s guise?" asked Sheba, her voice low in fear of the Prophet.
"Nothing harlot, we are but women, and haven’t the strength to subdue such as him," whispered Fahimah, her belly showing she was with child, fearful the Jewish boys carrying them might hear and tell the evil Prophet of their words.
Oaf Abu, dismissing his utter disgust at the Holy Prophet’s revolting paederasty and bestiality for the moment, conversed with Muhammad in their litter as they were carried across the desolate waste.
"You told the followers that great Allah dwells in heaven; who else dwells there with him in his abode on high?" asked Abu, wiping sweat from his brow.
"His brothers," answered the Prophet, drunk on strong wine. Covered in sweat, scratching at biting fleas in an armpit, he pulled his filthy, sweat stained silk turban from his head, revealing a head of lice ridden, matted hair drenched in perspiration. Frowning for a moment, he grunted, releasing foul gas from his posterior.
"What are their names?" asked a gagging Abu, pulling a curtain open for fresh air.
Muhammad, his head reeling from drunkenness, making up the story as he went along, replied, "Let’s see, Allah, Holiest of all Pigs, rules the heavens and the earth, sitting on his golden and bejeweled throne. His younger brothers, Hogallah the fat, Swineallah the wise, Boarallah the cyclops, and Porkallah the whiskered one stand at his side, singing his praises for eternity."
"You’re telling me heaven is filled with pigs?"
"Yes," answered Muhammad plainly, his mind much too deranged to realise his utterances made no sense at all.
"If that is so, what use would they have for the likes of us or our worship, considering we are not pigs?" asked Abu, confused and doubtful of the words he was hearing.
"Upon our ascension to heaven, we too will become holy, purified Hogs, welcomed into paradise by Allah," declared Muhammad, crushing a flea between his fingernails. "Once there, 72 devoted, eternally virgin sows will tend our every desire, feeding us forever with ample morsels in golden troughs to sate our piggish gluttony. To slake our thirst, they will bring us welcome drink from rivers of wine, and will give us their comely favours upon demand."
"Oh," said Abu, wondering if reincarnation into a ravenous, depraved hog upon death was something worth looking forward to.
Later, the warriors of Islam came upon a laden caravan of peaceful merchants on a trade road, heading with their wares toward Mecca. Skulking behind sand dunes, Muhammad and his devoted followers watched, laying in wait as the caravan approached.
"What will we do?" asked Abu, looking to the deranged Prophet.
"Allah told me in a dream that we will take the caravan, kill the merchants who own it, and then use the caravan to enter Mecca and subdue the infidels," answered Muhammad, delighted at their stumbling upon easy victims in the middle of the desert.
"That should prove easy with the numbers we have," replied a smiling Abu, looking forward to glittering plunder and the favours of comely women.
Without warning, scimitars in hand, the army of Islam burst from the dunes like locusts, vicious cutthroats and pirates slaughtering the merchants and taking their goods in the name of Pig Allah.
A young and comely water boy with green eyes, cringing in the corner of a wagon, was spared for the carnal pleasure of the lascivious Prophet, as were several dark-eyed maidens betrothed to men in Mecca. Abu Bakr, on orders of Muhammad, took their virtue, their betrothals annulled in the eyes of Allah as he knew them one by one.
His lust satisfied, Abu handed the captives over to other trusted followers, who were then debauched by hundreds of lascivious brigands in the name of Islam. Their carnal needs sated; the warriors left the broken bodies in the wake of the caravan.
Sitting behind the reins, Muhammad, henchman Abu at his side, headed to Mecca, followed by the vicious and depraved Muslim army. Approaching the city on the following morning, vanguards were sent forth to the gates, they telling the Meccans that merchant Fateen had arrived with goods to sell.
"Good friend Fateen, welcome again to our city," said a smiling guard, unknowingly opening the gates for the vicious warriors of Islam.
Many laden camels and wagons entered Mecca while the bulk of the Muslim army hid in the distance, the doomed inhabitants celebrating the arrival of the caravan. A Meccan elder of many years walked up to Muhammad and Abu, asking where the merchant was.
"Good Fateen, he was delayed and will arrive later," Muhammad answered, reaching for his oiled garrote.
"You look familiar friend," replied the elder, hiding his disgust at Muhammad’s slovenly appearance, clad in his filthy silk robe and turban; his beard matted and neck caked with dirt.
"Do I?" asked the evil Prophet, he and Abu stepping from the wagon. Followers hidden in other wagons reached for their weapons and prepared to strike.
"Yes," said the man.
"I should look familiar; but I am not your friend: I am your enemy Muhammad," retorted the Prophet as he pulled the garrote, terror filling the man’s eyes.
Abu Bakr moved quickly and punched the hapless elder in the face with all his strength, breaking his neck from the blow as Muhammad yelled, "Attack my followers, attack and kill the infidels in the name of Allah!" Bloodthirsty saracens burst forth, sharp scimitars in hand, gleefully slicing off arms, legs, and heads of the stunned Meccans.
"Good work oaf," the Prophet declared, looking to the body of the vanquished elder as hordes of his devoted followers came though the open gates.
An orgy of death swept over Mecca as the Muslim army slaughtered and raped in the name of Allah. Stepping over the bodies of vanquished infidels, Muhammad made his way to the Kaaba, home of the gods. Standing on the roof, oaf Abu at his side, the smiling Prophet delighted at the unremitting carnage, watching as his devoted, bloodthirsty followers murdered his enemies.
"Allah is smiling upon us on this day," said Muhammad in the bright sunlight, watching as his licentious minions, having defeated the infidels, repeatedly raped the wives of the Meccans before him.
"He is indeed," replied a pleased Abu, sounds of revelry and voices of screaming women filling the air.
While greedy freebooters looted the Meccan treasury in the name of Allah, an orgy of drunken lasciviousness occurred as other Muslims celebrated their victory. Standing on the Kaaba during the festivities, Muhammad gave a sermon, declaring to his followers that they could do anything they wished to survivors who refused to embrace Islam. A cadre of lustful perverts and eager paedophiles smiled in delight at the Prophet’s welcome words, leaving the Kaaba at once in search of victims.
Several days passed, the cries of the defiled diminishing as the army of Islam, having grown tired from the orgy, passed out from drunkenness. Hundreds of infidels lay dead in the streets, covered in flies, having died in the most horrific of ways, the women having been raped to death, the bodies of debauched children having fallen into the hands of murderous perverts and paedophiles.
In late afternoon, the Holy Prophet, recovered from a marathon bout of drunken paederasty, roused a snoring Abu, telling him of his plans for the day. "We must enter and cleanse the Kaaba in the name of Allah, as it is his, and only his, house," he declared while scratching his posterior, an obedient Abu forcing the locked door down.
Over a thousand gold, silver and alabaster idols of the gods of Mecca were contained therein; each sitting in ornate nooks prepared for them.
"Obscene infidels!" exclaimed an angered Muhammad, "There is no god but Allah the Pig!"
"What shall we do Prophet?" asked the oaf, awaiting further orders.
"We must destroy them!" declared Muhammad, the Holy Prophet and Abu exhausting themselves smashing the pagan idols over the next hours.
A breathless Abu looked about, every idol in the Kaaba having been destroyed. Searching in vain for the idol of a pig, he feared that he or Muhammad might have accidentally destroyed Allah in their frenzy of destruction. Composing himself, he asked, "Where is Allah?"
"Here he is oaf," said a smiling Muhammad, pointing to a large black stone sitting on the floor of the Kaaba, surrounded by the remains of destroyed idols.
"Allah is a rock, I thought you said he was a pig," said Abu, looking to the insane Prophet.
"Allah’s spirit dwells within this stone, when one touches it, they can feel his awesome power."
"It feels like a cold rock to me," replied a frowning Abu after having placed hands upon it. All this effort and carnage for a shapeless boulder? he thought, staring at Muhammad as though he were a madman.

Surah 126: The God

Bismillah:

Having taken Mecca, the Muslims continued to defile and subdue the city in the name of Pig Allah, the inhabitants surviving the carnage now slaves of the army of Islam.
Bodies were left to rot in the streets on orders of the Holy Prophet, the stench of bloating corpses filling the air while he and a group of his followers raided wine cellars for strong drink.
Their new slaves forced to butcher entire herds of goats and flocks of birds for a welcome feast; Muhammad gave no thought to leaving some to replenish what they would consume. Some wise followers told him of this, to whom he replied, "No matter, Allah will provide ample food for us."
"Provide what, the bitter flesh of jackals and vultures?" asked one, the wicked Prophet pleased at the thought of them consuming vermin for sustenance.
As Fahimah, Ayesha, the Nubian harlot, and slaves prepared the feast, a drunken Muhammad gave another sermon, standing before the Kaaba with a wine bottle in his hand. "Did I not tell you in Medina that we would have victory over the infidels?" he slurred, as scores of celebrating followers shouted "Yes!"
Others shouted, "There is no god but Allah the Pig, and Muhammad is his Prophet!"
A few, overcome in their devotion, knelt and began to worship the Prophet, he smiling upon them and welcoming their fawning obsequiousness.
Standing in the distance, Abu lowered his eyes, disdaining the worship of such a vile and perverted man. "Debauched hypocrite, he only desires the worship of himself," he spat angrily, trudging off.
Fahimah and the Nubian harlot, together with Ayesha, watched in horror as Muhammad was placed in the ornate litter by his most devoted followers. Marching around the defiled Kaaba, the followers shouted repeatedly, "There are no gods but Allah the Pig, and Muhammad his Prophet!" Seven times they circled the Kaaba carrying the smiling Prophet, while slaves heaped nearby tables high with the bounty of Allah.
Delighted in his new role, the god Muhammad was brought to a long table in his litter.
Taking a seat at the head of the table, worshipping followers fed him wine, dates, and the tender meat of roasted goat. Wolfing down the food like a glutton, in his feeding frenzy Muhammad bit off the fingertip of an elderly follower named Abbud, who, in his fanatical insanity, felt honoured to be eaten by the Holy Prophet.
Looking to his blood covered finger, the nail crushed; Abbud smiled broadly and shouted, "Allahu Akbar!"
Other worshipful followers saw the crescent shape of the wound and Abbud’s devotion to Muhammad; raising him to their shoulders, they paraded around the table, shouting, "Abbud is the chosen of the Prophet!"
Muhammad smiled broadly, morsels of goat flesh hanging between his filthy brown teeth.
In celebration of Muhammad’s ascension to godhood, after the feast the drunken Prophet and his worshippers had another sex orgy; a wanton spectacle of debauchery and lasciviousness: whoring, paederasty, paedophilia, even bestiality and the knowing of other men, the followers committing every perverse act imaginable in the name of Allah. Enthusiastic shouts of "Allahu Akbar! and Allahu Al Kabeer!" were heard amongst the celebrants as the revelry continued into the early evening.
Abu Bakr, disgusted that Muhammad would accept and encourage the worship of himself, later approached him and asked, "How can you, of all people, place yourself before Allah in our victory over the infidels, being worshipped in blasphemy as a god before your followers?"
"I am a god, and so are you," replied Muhammad with a smile, quickly making a story up, "I had a dream, and Allah said we are to be worshipped by the followers as his representatives on earth."
Abu looked to the Prophet sternly and retorted, "If you want to be worshipped as a god, that is your business, but leave me out of it."
"Very well, if you don’t want to be a god, that’s fine with me; as for myself, I do."
"Do you actually think you are a god?" asked a somber Abu, not believing the words he was hearing.
"No, but it does do much for the ego," said Muhammad while picking his nose, "Be gone with you, go cleave unto your daughter, oaf."
Having nothing better to do, Abu again came unto his daughter Ayesha in the bedroom of a fine house he had claimed for himself. She, relaxing in satisfaction after he withdrew from her, said coyly, "That is the third time you have known me in a fortnight, do you shun my stepmother’s comely favours?"
"Cover yourself in my presence daughter, Fahimah is with child, it is not wise to touch such when they show."
"You did not wish me covered earlier, will you make me with child, my father?" asked a smiling Ayesha, not covering her nudity.
"Yes, Allah has willed it, but not until your twelfth year."
"Then you had better get used to me being naked in front of you," said Ayesha, Abu turning his head in shame and leaving.

Surah 127: The Vile

Bismillah:

More time passed. It having been revealed by Pig Allah that he was a god on earth, Prophet Muhammad, convinced he was invincible, descended further into the bowels of wanton debauchery, gluttony, drunkenness and lasciviousness, a sorrowful Abu Bakr repenting that he had ever laid eyes on him.
The bountiful herds of goats and flocks of birds exterminated and eaten by the ravenous Muslims, the insane Muhammad ordered all adult camels butchered and eaten in another feast, the Holy Prophet saving the young females for his carnal pleasure.
Once the camels were consumed, they and the deranged Prophet returned to dining on the bitter flesh of vermin. A reclining Muhammad, wearing his filthy silk turban, seven rings of gold and silver on his greasy fingers, was fed vulture flesh, dates and boiled dung beetles by his devoted followers, each competing to be the most favoured of the Prophet.
Between orgies, the smashed idols were cleared from the Kaaba; the remains stripped of their jewels, gold and silver before being dumped outside the city gates. The precious stones and metal were claimed by god Muhammad, and hoarded by him in the Kaaba. Availing himself of the opportunity, he and his entourage of fawning sycophants took up residence there; drunken, lustful orgies with comely harlots and perverse lasciviousness among their fellows being the order of the day.
Each morning, Muhammad, rising from his drunken stupor, would give a sermon to his devoted followers, telling them of the wonders of afterlife in Paradise with Pig Allah and his brothers. They listened to fantastic tales of golden troughs filled with food, rivers of wine, and comely, virgin sows that would sate their every desire; the Prophet at times hallucinating on hashish, moving about the floor on all fours, grunting and snorting like a pig before them. Reverent murmurs of "Allahu Akbar" would be heard among the followers as the Prophet continued in his peroration.
Defiling the Kaaba further in the name of Allah, all manner of filth and the bones of butchered animals littered the grounds. Each day, worshipful followers marched around it seven times, carrying the wicked Prophet in his ornate litter, shouting, "There are no gods but Allah the Pig, and Muhammad his Prophet!"
Growing weary of the comely favours of harlot Sheba, child wife Ayesha, and little Jewish boys, Muhammad had begun to covet little Arab boys, leering at them and their animals from his litter as they passed the Kaaba. The stiff necked infidel woman, Fahimah, now very much with child, was also an object of the Prophet’s twisted lust, she having been denied to him over the last months by oaf Abu, who was also shunned by the Holy Prophet as of late.
Overcome by his paederastic desire for little Arab boys, on a bright afternoon a drunken Muhammad cornered one in the Kaaba, tearing off his loincloth and debauching his posterior on the black stone of Allah, while his closest followers drank wine and watched in enjoyment.
"But I submitted to Islam great Prophet, how could you do this to me?" said the boy, tears in his eyes after Muhammad released him from his carnal embrace.
"Quite easily, I have given you the honey of Allah’s love from my member, you should thank me," said the satisfied Prophet, closing his tattered, filthy silk robe as the terrified boy ran from the Kaaba.
Later that day, coveting the favours of pretty animals, Muhammad, his deranged mind filled with depravity, led a young female camel into the Kaaba, presenting it to his followers. Therein he embraced and knew the animal, finding it one of the most pleasing beasts he had ever encountered.
"Life is good," declared a smiling Muhammad as the defiled camel walked from the Kaaba, spending the evening hours being worshipped by his followers and drinking wine until he passed out from drunkenness.
Having heard woeful tales of the Prophet’s latest perversions from a debauched Arab boy named Saaid, Abu, walking past rotted skeletons of Meccan infidels on an early evening, consulted his wife Fahimah after entering his house. Respectful of her brutal husband, she had prepared him a warm earthenware bowl of rat soup, seasoned with peppercorns, onions, and withered parsnips.
"The Prophet’s actions are revolting, they go against everything he ever preached at the oasis," he began while eating, his daughter Ayesha and the Nubian harlot also there.
"Prophet?" retorted Fahimah, "I told you from the beginning that he is no prophet my husband, he is a wicked devil in the guise of man, perverse to the core, devoted to chaos and the lusts of the flesh."
"I know," replied Abu, "But many of the followers revere him as a god on earth, we haven’t the numbers to subdue such a horde."
"There are other able bodied men in Mecca that feel as you do," said the wise Fahimah in a whisper, "The freebooters and their ilk have no use for Muhammad or his god, they are only seeking further plunder, strong wine and the favours of willing women."
"But their numbers are not as great as Muhammad’s fanatical worshippers," mumbled a frowning Abu, his mouth full.
"No, but they are seasoned fighters, whereas Muhammad’s followers are little more than addled fools, drunks and the slothful."
"Be that as it may, their numbers are many," countered Abu, drinking rat broth from the bowl.
"Then do as he has done my husband: kill him while he sleeps," urged Fahimah, her eyes filled with hatred for Muhammad.
"A real man does not lay in wait to kill those who slumber," said a frowning Abu, repenting of the time when he had done so on orders of the Prophet.
"He does!" exclaimed Fahimah.
"Regardless, you will have to kill the Prophet my father, before he kills us," declared Ayesha, Abu shocked at such words coming from a child.
"She is right," agreed Sheba, "Muhammad shuns us, preferring his worshippers and the favours of little Arab boys; not a fortnight will pass before he declares us infidels, turning us over to the faithful to be killed."
"Bring me a bottle," ordered Abu after finishing his meal, needing strong wine to help him decide what to do about the evil Muhammad.

Monday 10 April 2006

LOST VERSES OF THE KORAN: SURAH 124

Surah 124: The Defiled

Bismillah:

Another fortnight passed, during which Muhammad and his devoted followers delighted in the vilest of debaucheries; the drunken Prophet leaving the bodies of several murdered Jewish boys in a dark annex of Sabri’s house; their posteriors ruptured and throats slit by him. The Nubian siren Sheba watched from the shadows, shedding tears for the slaughtered children.
Oaf Abu Bakr, fulfilling the will of Allah, again came unto his daughter Ayesha, she having recovered from the Prophet’s advances; a lecherous Muhammad occupied with knowing the remaining Jewish boys.
"Why is it that you know me, my father?" asked a satisfied Ayesha, sitting up on the bed after Abu had withdrawn from her and closed his robe.
"It is the will of Allah," answered the oaf, looking upon her nude body. "Cover yourself from my sight child, have you no decency?"
"Do you not find me comely, or is the stiffness of your nether member only for my stepmother Fahimah?" asked Ayesha coyly, smiling and reclining before him.
"I do find you most comely, that is why you must cover yourself," Abu ordered, finding his incestuous lust for her troubling.
"Yes my father," replied an obedient Ayesha, pulling a sheet over herself.
Crossing the desert, the Muslim army left Medina and returned to the oasis to refresh themselves and rest among the palms, the inhabitants there vexed at the presence of the Holy Prophet. A defiant Mecca stood to the south, Muhammad knowing that with the help of Allah, the army of Islam would prevail over the infidels.
Abu learned that his nephew Abdullah had committed suicide by climbing a tall date palm and hurling himself from it, his broken body buried in the desert by his grieving father and brothers.
Troubled, he approached Muhammad and told him of his grief.
"Waste not time mourning over him oaf, it was the will of Allah," said Muhammad blithely with a wave of a hand, drunk in his tent, dining on a bowl of boiled dung beetles smothered in thick vulture gravy.
The Nubian harlot Sheba looked to Abu in silence, sympathy in her eyes, recalling the Prophet’s licentious paederasty, having watched from in the shadows as he murdered those who dared to cry out in pain at his advances.
"That, or he couldn’t live with the idea of you having known him," replied a frowning Abu, staring at the floor of the tent, sadness on his countenance.
"My knowing of him was a gift: how dare you question the will of Allah or his messenger!" exclaimed Muhammad, finishing his meal of dung beetles, his filthy fingers covered in cold vulture gravy.
"I don’t question the will of Allah, what I do question is the unrelenting stiffness of your nether member and your licentious paederasty, knowing little boys in his sight," retorted Abu. "Are there not captive women in our camp that could satisfy your carnal urges?"
"Perhaps there are, but none are as tight as the lovely orifice of a little Jewish boy," answered a smiling Muhammad.
"You are a hypocrite; you have repeatedly denied others of your inclination the ability to know them, stating that such actions are a sin in the eyes of Pig Allah," said Abu boldly, revolted at the thought of paederasty.
Harlot Sheba silently wiped tears from her cheeks, she mourning for the young victims of Muhammad’s insatiable homosexual depravity.
"Hypocrite, no, for Allah’s revelations do not apply to me, nor do they to you," answered the Prophet with another smile, wiping hands on his filthy silk robe. "You, oaf, along with myself, have sanction from Allah to do whatever we wish."
"We do?"
"Yes," answered Muhammad, pausing to squeeze foul matter from a swollen boil on his forehead, "It runs the gamut, from taking women in our beds, or lovely boys in our tents, or even to the knowing of pretty animals, indulging in their comely favours as it suits us."
"The favours of beasts!" exclaimed Abu, "I always thought you were a twisted bastard, but the likes of us knowing animals?"
"A camel can be most attractive if one drinks enough wine: just look at their pretty eyes," replied Muhammad, raising a bottle and drinking deeply from it.
"Such is bestiality!" exclaimed Abu in utter revulsion.
"No oaf, it is love; for Allah is love, and his Prophet is love: I spread Allah’s love by knowing those I desire; indulging in the favours of comely women, lovely boys, and pretty animals."
"You are a depraved raper of young boys and a perverted molester of lowly beasts!" retorted Abu, looking the drunken Prophet in the eyes.
"Be that as it may, it is the will of Allah," answered an uncaring Muhammad, growing visibly aroused at the thought of knowing pretty animals, a small, malnourished female camel with light brown eyes just outside his tent crossing his utterly deranged mind.
Pulling open his filthy robe, he reached for his erection and began masturbating, the harlot turning away in disgust.
"Have you no respect or decency, even in the eyes of your wives and fellows?" asked Abu, turning his head and covering his eyes.
"You needn’t look unless you desire to pleasure Allah’s Prophet, such is the will of him should you find my organ enticing."
"I’m not queer, your offer is revolting!" exclaimed Abu, turning and heading from him.
"Very well, be gone with you, ugh, oaf," grunted Muhammad, reaching orgasm as he finished the sentence, spitting his seed upon the ground and his filthy silk robe.
Leaving the tent, Abu chanced upon another of the Prophet’s followers, a dull-witted, nearly toothless man with a missing eye, known by his fellows as Sadi.
"Duh, where is the Prophet?" asked a staggering Sadi, he very drunk.
"He’s playing with himself in his tent over a camel, do you want to watch?" spat a disgusted Abu, pushing him out of the way.
Sadi tumbled to the ground, watching Abu trudge off into the darkness.
Returning to his tent, a troubled Abu told Fahimah of his terse words with Muhammad, and that the Holy Prophet was not only a paederaster, but also a vile practitioner of bestiality, knowing pretty animals in the sight of Allah.
"I told you he was little more than a depraved devil in man’s guise," she replied, "Only such could lust for the loins of a beast. Muhammad is an evil madman desiring death for all who oppose him; you, husband, will come to blows with him, if not only to save your very life."
"Do we have any food?" asked Abu, not commenting on her wise words.
"Yes, with the help of your daughter and the Nubian harlot, I caught and baked several rats for us this afternoon."
"It beats viper flesh, bring some to me wife, with a full bottle," ordered a frowning Abu, hoping that drunkenness would ease his contemptuous feelings for the Holy Prophet.

Wednesday 5 April 2006

Surah 124 and beyond: Reader input wanted


Pigallah here.

There is only so much one can write on any particular subject without becoming tedious; hence, I am revising the later surahs 124-129 in effort to avoid such an occurrence.

You know, Muhammad the rapist, Muhammad the paedophile, the drunk, the lecher, the sodomite, the murderer, et cetera, ad infinitum. Not that I won't keep describing Prophet Muhammad in such an accurate fashion; I simply want to make the story more entertaining.

Therefore, I am asking my readers over the next fortnight or so for any suggestions they may have with regard to the final - and I mean FINAL, five "surahs" that I am so labouriously penning in my spare time.

Feel free to leave them as comments to this post; I will review them as I receive them.

Whilst occupied with this task, it is suggested you view a very funny flash video at this site:

www.zipperfish.net/free/yaafm12.php

Thanks in advance.